I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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