what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
