Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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