i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We have started to decorate penises.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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