I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
