we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
