Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
