Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
