my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
