I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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