He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
