Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
