I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
