One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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