Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
