So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
