He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
