If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
