Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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