Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
