I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
