is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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