I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
