Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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