I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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