The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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