I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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