The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
