people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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