i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
