Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
