accomplished twins. life is a go
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
