I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I will be naked everywhere
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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