shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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