All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
