You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just googled if crying burns calories
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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