honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
