Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
