awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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