dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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