Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
