No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i need some magic done to my vagina
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
