I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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