I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
