I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
