I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
