if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
