Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
