I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
