I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
