ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
