This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
