Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
