So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
