so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
